Every villain is a hero in his own mind

Just a quick journal to say that I have journaled today...  We thought Tama was sick yesterday as she had a super wet nose and was basically spewing snot everywhere. I got up early today to book her an appointment but she ended up fine today so I really hope it was nothing and was just an allergy to something rather than something more sinister than cat flu. In any case, gonna keep an eye on her just in case she gets sick again... 

Today was... ok. Mood was weird and I've been tired and sick and just ok. I'm gonna try go to bed early so that I can wake up at a decent time. We'll see how it goes I guess. I wish I had some kinda sleeping pill that worked without any side effects, no extra drowsiness, hallucinations, nightmares and such... I've had a really hard time sleeping lately so yeah... that would be ideal. 

I also got Sai2 today which is great! I'm still working out brushes and stuff but I like it a lot! Hopefully I can replicate my brushes from Sai, or at least have something similar though. 

I found a document called '1000 prompts' so I think I'm gonna try and work with that to journal a bit more. At this rate I don't think I'm gonna make my challenge deadline but I've come pretty far anyways! I'm gonna randomly choose some of these to make posts, even if it's just me rambling.

It's here if anyone else wants it btw! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CE70wQ-njt5EuCuiAY21XSMik6hsSdi8nQo2Fz2yj0k/edit?usp=sharing

The prompt now is: What do you think about as you are falling asleep?

I've never found it very easy to sleep. Even right now I'm stuck here awake instead of sleeping, but at least I'm turning it into productive time. When I do manage to sleep, I sleep too little or too much. It's a constant struggle.

When I am consciously thinking about things before bed it can vary greatly. I try to make it a practice to do a meditation before sleep, though it often makes me actually fall asleep. I've had some success with deep meditation in which I am lucid dreaming though and those meditations were particularly powerful. 

Otherwise I am usually thinking about my business and how I can better myself. Right now I got up because I couldn't stop thinking about spreadsheet work I want to do and so I got up. Sometimes I get intrusive thoughts and have a mental battle with those. Since going on medication they are nowhere near as often as they used to be, but I do find myself thinking about how I hate my body, how I suck for getting fired a few times years ago and other things.

So... yeah there's no real answer to what I think about before I sleep. It can be a bunch of things. I certainly need to improve on my sleep hygiene though, as I really want to get into a good schedule of waking up early.