astralconflict: (Noctis - Driving with Luna)
So I've started a new sleep schedule - Bed at 10.30pm, up at 6.00am - I've only done two nights in a row and I've had a little trouble getting to sleep but it's been working alright! I found that having the cutting off time on my to-do list of 5pm REALLY helped as I was a lot more relaxed in the evening and not obsessively thinking about what I need to do before bed. I was tempted to do more studying but instead I just relaxed, played on phone games and then we watched Osomatsu-san before bed. So it was good! I think the SAD light helps a bit too with waking up, though I'm still exhausted by about 11am-12pm. It'll take time, and I know that. 

Anyways, time to go do stuff and things.  
astralconflict: (Noctis - Driving with Luna)
 Today I feel pretty good - I have made a commitment to weigh/measure myself every week/two weeks to aid my weight loss. The biggest thing I've done by far is cut out bread, and I am slowly cutting out cheese too. Today I've found out that I've lost 6 lbs in a fortnight as well as 5 inches off my waist, 2 off my chest, 2 off my hips and 1 off my arms. It feels nice! I hope that I can lose more as I am overweight and this would make things so much better for me.

The last few days I've been eating trash but I wanna get back on the wagon as soon as possible. I am wondering if the weight loss is due to water weight, but it's still there in the measurements so that's something! Hopefully this will inspire me to carry on! 
astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Worried)
 Ever since I started obsessively making lists, goal-setting and such it has helped me gain more control over my life. I have actually started to notice when the week ends and the weekend begins, I managed to track things for a while and I remember appointments more often. Lately though, I have fallen off the wagon. The one thing that gave me semi-control has fallen by the way-side and I need to get back on. It's distressing and frustrating. I wonder if I have overwhelmed myself. I'm struggling so much and I feel like time is getting away from me. 

I think I'm gonna maybe change up the bullet journalling a bit or something. I need a boost to get back on top of things. I have the moot Tuesday and I don't wanna duck out. I'd really like to go to the Loughborough one too, the local pagan community needs all the support it can get. 

astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Prince)
It's 4.30pm and I'm only just 'starting my day' fuckkk. I worked super hard last week so I guess everything just caught up with me or something. I at least made my psych appointment and also picked up some presents. Then I came home and slept until now, oops. Both my wrists are sore, I haven't showered for like two days and I feel so shittt. I haven't eaten all day except chocolate so that might have contributed to the sleepiness. 

I'm gonna try have some food and work on art and then do my appointment tomorrow. It's an all day appointment so it's gonna be a fucking PAIN. And we have the moot after but what do. Then hopefully I can get back onto things Weds. If I have to take my tablet to mums I fucking will nnngh. 
astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Prince)
 Just a rough plan for when I start my bujo:

Yearly:
Year at a Glance
- Goals
- Events/Appointments
Year Roadmap
Morning schedule ("Miracle morning")
Evening schedule
Full moon, waxing, waning and new moon dates
Pet weights/schedule
Prayer schedule
Series to watch (with trackers)
Books to read (with trackers)
Places to go
Savings goals

Monthly:
Calendar page
- Important events
- Bills/debts
- Goals
- Events/Appointments
Tarot spread
Habit tracker
Study tracker
Chores tracker
Gaming tracker
- FFXIV
- theHunter
- DMO
Health:
- hb1ac/blood sugar trackers
- Weight loss tracker
- Exercise tracker
- Mood tracker
Possibly 'dailies'


I think I might actually get a seperate bujo for work so things don't get too muddled up!:

Yearly: 
Year at a Glance
- Events
Year Roadmap
Goals
Actionable steps
Stats tracker
Income/Outgoings
Business schedule
Tarot spread
Blog post record

Monthly
Month at a glance
 - Goals
 - Events/Appointments
Tarot spread
Hours worked
Expenses
Income
Blog ideas
Planning pages
Activity log + big accomplishment log

Weekly:
Goals
Tarot spread
Projects to do
Blog posts to write


astralconflict: By mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Hmm)
Just a little update about business stuff I guess! I've been hoping to start doing commissions and going freelance again, but it depends on a bunch of stuff. Right now it's okay as Charlie is in employment, but without ESA it would be super hard. My plan is to go to the citizen's advice and ask them about it. So far what I've gathered from Twitter and Reddit is that I need to register as self-employed if I make any income, but I might still be able to get some benefits due to illness and few working hours. So yeah, I'll see I guess. Part of me wants to just stay on ESA forever, but I also feel chained down to the 'chronically ill' label and such. I mean I am ill, but it just feels like I'm never gonna move forward in life if that's all I am, you know? 

Anyways, what I've been up to is:

- Working on commissions for clients
- Uploading to Patreon
- Uploading art for prints to Paw 2 Press and Inkedfur

What I'm planning to do:
- Get an appointment with citizen's advice
- Record accurately the hours I am working
- Record accurately how long each commission type takes and work out an average
- Create a social media schedule
- Refine my techniques more (In progress)
- Create Redbubble designs (In progress)
- Need to research on UK tax and what counts as business expenses
- Brush up on my business knowledge
- Create dakimakura designs
- Plan CFZ 2018 artshow art

So yeah, very busy!!


astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Love! (Promptis))
 So it's 3am and I've been playing on FFXIV once again. There is actually a reason for me being up so late though - my cold suddenly got even shittier which effectively stopped me from sleeping properly and well, I ended up sleeping until like 4pm today.... I'm gonna go to bed in a sec and hopefully get up at 9. One step at a time. 

Anyways, I renamed and redesigned my main on FFXIV after a miqo'te character in a dream I had. His name is K'hani Tia (gotta follow those naming conventions). His name actually has meaning which is nice though. The K is the letter associated with the hipporian tribe of miqo'te (no idea which it's a K, but it just is) so that's the tribe he originated from. 

'Hani' is a name found in Hawaiian and Muslim naming, meaning 'happy' or 'to move lightly'. Also the name 'Khani' is a name which is very popular in Iran and the middle east. It has a lot of meanings including 'hidden, religious person, spiritual' etc As K'hani follows the miqo'te naming conventions, the 'h' would be a 'hissing sound' unpronouncable to many of the other races in Eorzea. Therefore the name is usually pronounced to others as 'Kani'. To close family and friends, it's common for the K to be dropped and so 'Hani' would be more an affectionate name. 

The 'tia' part of his name is a suffix for a non-breeding male - in each tribe they only have one or two breeding males - who bare the suffix nunh. Yes, that does mean miqo'tes have harems, the clan (Seekers of the Sun) that he's from anyways. Since he left his tribe and went adventuring the Tia suffix doesn't mean much any more, but he keeps it as part of his official name as a nod to his heritage. 

The character originated from a dream I had, and I've decided the class that would suit him the best is most likely going to be summoner. He's already a lv62 bard from my previous game, but as miqo'tes are talented hunters, it makes sense that he would do archery. 

I've actually looked into some RP stuff, but there seems to be a huge lack of RPers on Zodiark, with people recommending Omega. It might be worth making another character to test on Omega, as I don't think they're accepting transfers at this time. I kinda wish I knew that before, because I would have just have made K'hani a new character. But at the same time, I don't know if I have the time and energy to go through all the main story again. If they accept transfers in the near future it might be worth looking though.

Anyways, I'm just rambling because I wanted to get a journal out. Idk if I'm gonna reach 100 by December 31st but it would be awesome if I could. I just need to remember to actually blog here, even if it's nonsense it's still writing! 
astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Prince)
 Well this entire week I've had an annoying chest infection/cold. The last two nights especially were bad but I think it's slowly getting better. First I thought it was a cough from smoking but if it was it straight up developed into a nasty cold. Ah well, I think it should be much better by tomorrow. Despite feeling like shit I actually just medicated myself and carried on. I got a lot of work done this week including finishing my commission list and opening new ones. I'm super proud of myself for that! 

I'm gonna try finish what I can of my to-do list this week and then make my one for next week. I need to really think about a diet plan too, saw myself in the mirror early and it's pretty gross tbh. I'm too afraid to weigh myself too hahah. Oh yeah, my auntie got me an early christmas present - a coffee machine :0 It's one that takes pods and I love ittt. I got a sample pack of all different types of coffee too so gotta try those out. 

Gaming wise I haven't been up to much, I'll do the little update thing though:

FFXIV - Haven't played it all all! Still in Stormblood and need to do a dungeon, which is probably why I've been avoiding it lmao.
DMO - Storming through the main quest line, Crowmon getting ready to digivolve to Ravemon. I also hatched a Terriermon but I hate his evo line so eeeeh.
Digimon Links - Gave up on the Imperialdramon farming, too much stamina and seems pretting P2P. Just farming digivolution fuel until the next advent quest comes up (Plesiomon I think)
Final Fantasy Record Keeper - Cute little FF gatcha-type game I started playing. It has all the music from each game and goes up to FFXV and I WANT TO PLAY AS MEeeee soon.
theHunter - Haven't played this week at all, oops! 


astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Prince)
 I can't believe it's Sunday evening already fffff. This week was mainly just me trying to recover from my eye scratch/infection so it feels like I've done nothing. I did actually manage to do a bunch of artwork but yeahh. I'm so stupidly tired at the moment, we had some drinks last night and it fucked me up. I keep forgetting that I can't really drink on these meds. I only had 3 pints but it made me feel as if I've been drinking all night. It also doesn't help that I was up until like 3am for the last few nights oooops. 

We watched Stranger Things S2 after we went out on Friday (it was SO GOOD), and we had chocolate cherry cheesecake and chinese takeaway. So yeahhh a good day! Saturday we tidied up the mess we made on the Friday and today we've just been resting mainly. I ended up waking up this morning and feeling super sick and I've just felt hungover all day. I really think I might stop drinking properly. Just need to find something else to do idk, maybe just get soft drinks or alcohol-free? Idk. 

Uhhh this week I have various things to do and I want to open commissions at the end of the week too. I'm trying so hard to make a decent entry today but I'm super super tired. Hopefully I'm gonna feel better tomorrow. Charlie has to get up at like 4am for work so I'm gonna try get up too, but who knows. Even if I get up at 7 or 8 it'd be better than the last few days. I'm just glad I can see again, so I can draw.

Oh also, I had a stupid issue with Wacom too. I tried to buy a cable for my cintiq, as my current one is fucked, and they've been out of stock for like a year. Sooo I tried to order it, only to be told my payments weren't going through. Tried my debit card, credit card, paypal, Charlie's cards, nothing. And so sent some emails to the customer service stuff, only to find that the payments are now all pending on my accounts, and has actually gone through on my credit card. It wouldn't be so much a big deal if it was a £5 cable or some shit but this is a £55 cable. 

I sent a message to capital one and they responded fast, Wacom customer service don't open till Monday so ughh. I just hope I can get it sorted out, even if it means getting Ned to call  them in Germany or wherever they are and demand they cancel the payments. Idkkk. 

Well anyways, gonna go to bed now. It took me an hour to write this because I got distracted forever by Buzzfeed Unsolved lmao
astralconflict: By mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Hmm)
Today is Charlie's birthday! We're going to go wander in town for a bit and then I have my t injection, then we'll come back and watch the new season of Stranger Things. I was going to make a bit journal entry based on prompts and stuff today but honestly I'm so fucking sleepy lmao (thanks Keith and Lance). 

This weekend it's just Charlie and me because Bazu and everyone are at comic con in London, so meh. But it's nice having just us too! At least we can hog the TV and stuff! We finally started watching BNHA S2 last night too, took us a while. Uhhhh I'm sure there was stuff to write about but lately I keep randomly disconnecting. It's like when I disassociate but I lose time completely, like as if I'm jumping around a timeline? I mean that happens with that too but it somehow feels different. Idk it's weird. Maybe I'm just tired from the infection and such. 

Speaking of which, my eye has cleared up almost completely now. It's still a tiny bit uncomfortable but nowhere near who bad it was Monday. I'm so glad, it was unbearable. I'm still taking the antibiotics until Monday to make sure I kick it in the face.  

I have some art I want to finish this weekend too but I have tomorrow to do that. I was thinking of getting booze later but honestly booze lately makes me feel so sick?? It might be reacting with my pills or something. Well, I'll get whatever Charlie wants and we can cuddle and watch TV and stuff. 

Ahhh if I didn't have my injection today we could have gone to Leicester or something and go to paperchase? At the same time I'm waiting on a few deliveries. Ahhh my eye is getting sore being awake but I can't really go back to sleep. Nnnngh. 
astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Pokemon Trainer)
 Another from the prompt generator! The oldest person I know is my grandmother (dad's mum). She is getting on, though I couldn't tell you how old she is - 88 or so? Because she is dad's mum I barely ever see her now, maybe once a year, twice if we're lucky. I do worry about her as for years she was very independant and drove around attending different events - now she is basically housebound. On the plus side, she has a very large family who all take care of her, even when some of us can't. I think my cousin Lucy is her carer at the moment as she seems to be cleaning and such whilst at least helping my nana maintain as much independance as she can. Her mother, my great grandmother, actually lived to be 97, so we're not expecting my nana to leave just yet. 

She lives in a lovely little bungalow in Caergwrle next to a large hill and a pond. I remember every winter we would get slabs of cardboard and go 'sledging' down that hill along with the local kids. In the spring time it was covered in sheep as a way to keep the grass cut and we would often see lambs there. It was also covered in bluebells and foxgloves. I remember going to the pond at the top of the hill with my grandad to collect tadpoles - I haven't been up there since he died in 1997. I also remember that I brought home a stickleback one day and attempted to keep it in a jar. I named it Thomas and tried to feed it goldfish food. I wasn't very happy to find Thomas dead the next morning!

I have lots of memories in my nana's garden too - I remember loving it as it was full of nature. It was actually not even that big, just a path around her bungalow and a little raised garden at the back but it was enough to attract a large variety of invertebrates and birds. I kept pet caterpillars and snails in her greenhouse, caught butterflies with a net (and released them in her room because I was a little shit) and loved sitting and drawing birds that visited her feeder. I also remember my great uncle Keith coming around and showing me his bird and animal books. I guess I never really realized how much spending time at my nana's inspired my love for nature, hm. 

Another thing I really remember about being at nana's was pokémon! We used to watch it every time it was on and since we went to nana's every Tuesday at 4pm, we managed to catch it! I spent a lot of time there drawing, playing pokémon and playing in nature. And you know? I'm glad I'm writing this because I guess I realize how much I do miss my nana and how much she did for me. She's busy with her great grandchildren now and such but she really did care for me and my sisters and did an absolute fantastic job at being a nana. 

It also occurs to be that I know... nothing about her life. I only know her as a nana. I know my grandad was in the war, but nana has never really spoken about herself. I might just ask her about that next time I see her. 
astralconflict: mightier.tumblr.com (Default)
 I'm going to start using this prompt generator in order to write entries. The first prompt was 'How does religion affect your life?' I would time myself but as I am essentially writing half-blind right now (my eye got worse), I will ignore that. 

'Religion' is a loaded word to many people and can conjure up images of strict and outdated beliefs. I think that I am more comfortable with the term 'faith'. But of course, not all religious people have faith, and not all people who have faith con sider themselves religious and so the words get pretty mixed up.

If you were to ask me 'are you religious?' I would probably say no, as I do not belong to any major World or Abrahamic religion. Instead I follow what could be described as folk beliefs and a mix of formal and informal practices taken from Shinto, Konkokyo, Buddhism, Druidry, Wicca and other paths. Above all, I would probably consider myself a Shinto-Pagan. Shinto is a complex one as it is not really considered a religion, even in Japan. It is more a set of old indigenous and imported beliefs based around the ancient peoples' understanding of the world and nature. Despite this, Shinto is still relevant today and especially with the spiritual and 'new age' renaissance. 

So back to the question at hand. I'll use the word religion to describe my beliefs for the ease of this entry. Religion affects my life in a big way. I pray to kami or gods every single day, either formally or informally. I make offerings daily and do things in my gods' names. I caretake for various shrines in my room - two kamidana and a general/working altar. I celebrate the esbats, sabbats and holy days of each god. I make sure to uphold my personal morals and beliefs as much as I can and try to treat others as I want to be treated. On a day-to-day basis, I ask the gods and kami for their input into my weekly tarot readings from which I plan my week. I ask them for help with many things and carry jewellery and pouches made in their names. If I cannot sleep I will often lay awake in conversation with Loki, Inari or another entity. 

I get a lot out of my relationship with the Divine. On a personal level I get empowerment, clarity and support through my life. I receive blessings of food, air, shelter and water every day from Kami-sama and I have the satisfaction that I am never alone, always having someone to talk with. On a wider level I can act as a medium between the Gods and a client, passing on information and guidance. I do not claim to be psychic or anything like that, but I do know that I have a very clear connection with Inari-Okami and various other deities, and I use that to help others. 

Religion gives me structure to my day, my year and my life. I love observing the sabbats/holy days, the full and new moons. It really helps be appreciate each season more and helps me understand the changes going on around me. Druidry especially helps me connect with my local area and land on a much more spiritual level. 

What I love the most about religion in general is how it is based on myths that span thousands of years, which have survived in one form or another to this day. Mythology is fascinating to me as it really acts as a snapshot of the time period the myths were formed - how our ancestors saw the world and how they attempted to explain it. 

Despite the many negative aspects of religion, it still continues to be highly relevant and essential to many people across the world. My beliefs are absolutely a light in the dark, a powerful connection which can blast me out of any dark mood. And if I can't be gotten out of that dark mood? Well, Loki might just join me and we can simply bathe in it together. 
astralconflict: By mightier.tumblr.com (Noctis - Hmm)
So tomorrow Charlie starts his new job and I want to make it a point to work hard too. It's Christmas in a few months and as always I want to try and buy or make things for those I love. It feels a little dumb, especially as I'm pagan and don't actually celebrate Christmas and it's all material but... yeah. Or at the least I want to work on improving my needle felting, sewing and art skills to make people some gifts.

So for the next few months I want to make myself busy, within reason of course. Ned has been helping me organize things and we're gonna make some proper lists and such tomorrow. Hopefully I can get up early like Charlie will. I don't want to feel useless or anything!

My current main projects are:
  • Artwork: I still have a couple of outstanding commissions I want to get done. After that I might take some small ones on a weekly basis, or just make YCHs and adoptables. I'm really struggling sticking with a style and process that I like so I think I might spend time doing more personal work and fanart stuff. I want to try fill in at least one sketchbook a season if I can too, make a personal deadline. I have so many things to improve on.
  • Crafts: I love needlefelting and doll-making but haven't really done much. This is my chance! I want to make several sculptures and models before Christmas to sell, for some extra money.
  • Norsk: Jeg trenger å studere hver dag. Jeg trenger også å lære mer ordforråd, se på filmer og finn TV-programmer jeg liker. Jeg vil dinner musikk jeg liker også. Huske; duolingo og memrise hver dag!!
  • Spirituality: I am currently reading through the Icelandic sagas (in English, though if I can find them in Norwegian I feel it would be closer to the source material). I am working on getting a closer relationship with Loki. I am also writing my own prayers and services for weekly prayers to Loki and Inari. I will hopefully be able to start praying daily again, at least on weekdays. 
  • Fitness/Weight: I want to start doing yoga or tai chi at home, followed by a walk. I know it's going to hurt but I desperately want to lose weight and get my blood sugar under control. I struggle with schedules so I'm going to see what I can do. Little achievements, you know? I am going to change up my habitica a lot to reflect the changes. If you're reading this and you have a habitica but are not in a party, let me know by the way! I use it every day.
There's probably more, but those are my main things. So now I'm off to remodel my habitica before bed, haha. 

Also! I'm finally watching Sense8 and DAMN it's good. There's a lot of parallels between the themes and mental health stuff I'd like to talk about, but I'll leave that for when I've finished season 2.

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