#001 The Beginning

Okayyy so I'm going to try and do a challenge for myself - to write at least 100 posts before the end of 2017. That's at least one post a day, some days needing more. Posts can be as short or long as possible, and be about anything. As this is a personal challenge it will also include filtered posts, so the lone wanderer venturing through my blog may not be able to see each and every post. If this was a challenge that I was holding myself accountable for I guess you guys could say that I could easily cheat my way out of this, but the only person I would be cheating is myself.

So yeah, I'm not going to make a list of prompts or anything like that. I'm purely going to write what comes to mind on that particular moment, a mind dump if you will.

I am not expecting anyone to read this blog, especially with the rise of microblogging sites such as tumblr and twitter, but if you do see this - hi!

#002 Why I won't be moving my old posts here

So I had a think about moving my old livejournal posts here as a kind of archive in case the site ever goes down or whatever. But as I went through the old posts last night I realized how much of it is negativity. I mean of course it was - I was an unmedicated transgender borderline person who hated his family life. Things have gotten a lot better since then at least and that's a blessing.

Although it is nostalgic to look back on my old posts and find old memes, in-jokes and stuff like that, it's also rather upsetting. There's so many friends I was so close with only to never to speak to them again once LJ had its downfall, records of my own misery and bad memories, descriptions of nightmares, obituaries to lost pets (whose photos seem to be replaced with random ones) and more.

It has been 7 years since I was active on LJ and blogged regularly and I feel it's time for a new start. I often think that I've gotten nowhere and that I have accomplished nothing, but looking back I can see that in fact I'm doing well. Sure some things have gone to shit, my health is no good and I'm now disabled but at least I know where I am in life for the most part.

I feel that posting my old LJ posts here would form some kind of toxic foundation to place my future writings on, and so I am starting a new. I'm too exhausted today to write much more but I do have ideas for more posts very soon, including what has been happening since my last LJ updates!

#003 Who I was and who I am

Okay so I mentioned it's been seven years since I've been blogging on a platform and that is at least partially true. After LJ I moved to tumblr where I 'blogged' for quite a few years. I don't really consider it blogging though, I guess it would come under microblogging though I know some people do use it as a proper blog? In any case I obsessively used that for quite some time and changed handles a few times too. After that I mainly moved to twitter where I'm still super active.

I did actually blog somewhere else though, that would be at Fox of Inari. That's my spiritual development blog though and it also turned into a kind of educational resource for International Shinto and Druidry, so it's not really a personal-type blog. My livejournal was always so gritty - the darkest of my thoughts alongside artwork, memes, happy occasions and general messiness. I missed that, and so that's why I've chosen to start anew. I know it's 2017 and a lot of people have moved on from this particular style of blogging now and I find that kind of sad. Microblogging has become the norm and people are too busy to sit down and write something out. People still use facebook of course, but I don't use filters there and so I feel it's almost like a public bulletin of my life - just something for people to check on when they are wondering how I'm doing.

I am a nostalgic person and I yearn for the older forms of communication. I love writing letters and even have a wax stamp with which to seal them; I like to accompany them with illustrations too. Of course my pain levels sometimes make this impossible and so this is a suitable compromise. And plus this is also nostalgic, even if it's just for a decade ago.

Anyways this post is supposed to just be talking about what's happened in the past seven years.

So where I left everyone off was in 2010. I was in college doing animal studies from which I graduated. I was working on my thesis (I got top marks). I had just come back from spending over a month in Portugal and was missing Momo, Mick and Kikas. I was with Kikas at the time and things kinda went downhill after that, I'll talk about it under a filter sometime but I'm a little paranoid she might read this. I was living at my mum's house and I did NOT have a good relationship with her or my siblings. I was unmedicated and my mental health was horrifically bad. I must have pushed so many people out of my life too.

I was doing voluntary work in Chester museum in the natural history section, hoping to get into a museum studies or zoology course in university and work in that field, though I worked in a newsagents at the time. I had no real friends nearby, though I did start a hetalia meet and meet some lovely people on there. And then I just stopped blogging, checking up on my f-list every few years but besides that, nothing.


So now it's 2017. I often feel like I haven't achieved anything but when I look back on things I absolutely have. 6 years ago I started dating Charlie and we got engaged a year later. I've been intensely in love, comfortable and at peace with him since we met - with other relationships I've always struggled with the phase after the initial excitement of the relationship winds down. Well with him, it never has. I am still as in love with him today as I was when we started dating. So that's one area of my life that right now is filled with happiness. The only problem we have is the lack of funds for our hand-fasting, but that will come in due time. 

I live with Charlie and our housemate Bazu in Leicestershire along with our cat Tama, three snakes, three leopard geckos and four rats. Our struggle to get here was long and tedious and involved me being kicked out of my mum's house, being estranged from my father, further illness and even more diagnosises. We both experiences homophobia and transphobia in North Wales and desperately needed to get out. We met Bazu at Kitacon in Birmingham and since his housemate was moving out, we ended up moving in with him. I owe Bazu so much and I need to do more to show him how grateful I am. 

I haven't done any further education in England as I cannot afford it, but I have done a lot of self-studying. Currently my main courses are self-studying Norwegian and the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids' Bardic level course. Being an eclectic pagan I'm also studying all sorts of things in the occult. Job-wise - I don't really have one. I have neuropathy in my legs and back which is hell when I walk and makes me unable to work, along with my mental health conditions. I'm currently in a recovery period but I'm hoping to formally set up business after this, probably in 2018. 

Before this I worked as a taxidermist and artist and I'd love to get back into both of them properly. I work part-time as a tarot reader though a lot of those are free readings. I'm struggling with the side effects of some pills at the moment but here's hoping it doesn't last forever. After this I'm gonna go work on some art stuff too. So my future hopes and dreams at this point? Well I'm not too sure, but here's some stuff I'd like to do:

• Finish all three levels of the OBOD courses and then train to become a celebrant. 
• Establish or help establish a UK Shinto shrine/hokora of some sort. 
• Finally get my double masectomy (still on the waiting list...)
• Live off of my arts, crafts and taxidermy. 
• Get handfasted to Charlie and sign an official marriage certificate (unless handfasting becomes a legal marriage option by then).
• Reach fluency in Norwegian (my current level is intermediate) 
• Design and public my own tarot deck.
• Write and illustrate my own books. 
• Live with Charlie in a ground floor house with a garden, shed and maybe greenhouse. 

So yeah, being disabled hasn't gotten rid of my motivation to achieve goals. It might be a bit harder but I can do it, even if it takes a lifetime. If anything, since 2010 I've become a lot more optimistic even though things have been getting pretty bad. But now I know and recognize I have support, I'm on good meds and I'm slowly making it along the path. 

And... I should probably get off here. I have a lot more to say but I need to actually work on some artwork and do my goal setting for the week. Thanks for reading, if you got this far!